Hello !
I have been MIA for a month .
Actually there is nothing exciting to talk about .
School hols have started 4 days back .
Have 2 project to do . And attend Soul Percussion practice .
So yar , since I have nothing to write , I wanna post something .
Something that girls will 'AWWWW' .
Okay , here it goes . A first batch MSL-ians have gone back home to GOD .
Here is a note from his gf which I copy paste from my sister blog , which she 'plucked' from the late fb .
A note from Nabilla Aziz's FB to her late boyfriend, Muhammad Salleh. =)
To my dear sweetheart, Muhammad Salleh Bin Abdul Aziz...
One of the things we had planned to do when we are old, wrinkly and spending our golden age together is to write a book about us so that we can share the ups and downs we had gone through in our relationship so that people will be able to learn from them. Though we were just joking at that point of time, i wish to do this for you. It may not be a book but i hope that in this note, i am able to briefly share my beautiful journey with the most beautiful person in my life,eventhough it was just borrowed time...
It was in the beginning of the year 2001. I was just starting to adapt to the different life in secondary school. Since Marsiling Secondary School was a new school, we had to share the same building with Woodgrove Secondary School. It was during one of the usual morning reading sessions when I saw him. His class was two or three classes away from mine. I was attentively reading my novel when my concentration was disrupted by the voice of a teacher calling a student's name. A beautilful looking boy stood up and responded to the teacher with a smile who could have melted any girl's heart. I was very sure mine did. That day i got to know that the beautiful boy's name was "Muhammad Salleh".
From afar, i kept admiring. It was during one of my choir practice sessions which i volunteered to participate for that year's Singapore Youth Festival when i came in close contact with the beautiful one. He was also volunteering for the event. I was an alto and he was a bass and each section was practicing separately but it was during our break when he suddenly came up and talked to me. "You are the one who had a crush on my classmate right?". He knew! But at that time, it wasn't what he was saying but the fact that he was even talking to me, that made me breathless. I was too shocked to respond and ended up staring at his beautiful face, dumbfounded. He continued "Eh...we have the same father's name!". He noticed the front cover of my choir notes! My life changed after that day...
He became my abang angkat or elder brother and i, his adik angkat or younger sister. He was proud to show me around and introduced me to his friends but he had always been protective. It was embarassing sometimes but deep inside, only God knows how lucky and ecstatic i was feeling. People around us always said "Abang angkat, adik angkat, jangan sampai terangkat aje...". I have never taken the comments too heart and ignored them because i felt that it would NEVER happen, even if the earth was to stop turning. We continued with our daily conversations in school and continued at home, talking about anything and everything. He was one of the people who i felt most comfortable with. Despite of his popularity in school, he remained humble and i have always been awed by him for that. I was eventually introduced to his mother and elder sister as a 'suprise gift' for doing well for one of my examinations. He introduced me to them as his good friend...
Things went on as normal when he suddenly told me around May 2002 that he was in love with me. By that time, i knew that in my heart of hearts, i was already deeply in love with him but i didn't even dare to tell a soul. Even my close friends didn't know the depth of my feelings for him. However, his confession was something that i was not able to accept easily. Despite my strong feelings for him at that time, i was somehow doubting his. Why would an almost-perfect person have feelings on someone as normal as me? Was he even sincere?...those questions filled my head. Due to my doubts, we let the issue rest and continued to remain as friends. But it was on the 17th of June 2002 when he brought up the issue again. As cliche as it sounds, we were at Sentosa and with Shania Twain's "From this moment on" playing through the mini speakers that he brought along, he told me again that he loved me. Maybe it was the mood or the mixed scent of him and the sea, i was not too sure but i was
definitely swayed and the temptation to just admit my feelings was overpowering.
But it was only on the 20th June 2002 that i finally revealed all my deep
feelings for him which also came as a suprise to him...
Our start was not what others thought it would be. It definitely was not a bed of roses...we had to face harsh critisms and objections from the people around us, my family, schoolmates and teachers included. Due to the pressure, we often argued and
being new in a relationship, i was clueless on what i was supposed to do, which
made it more frustrating for him. I wanted to work things out together with him
but most of the time, i ended up making the matters worst. Our nightly
conversations ended up with both arguements and forgiveness. And there were various times when we wanted to call it quits. However, as we learn from our
mistakes, we started to filter out the bad comments from the good ones and
eventually they stopped coming. Everyday, we reminded ourselves of how much we
loved and meant to each other. Eventhough it did not make the amount of obstacles we had to face lesser, we were able to face them with faith and trust. The most importantly, we were able to face those obstacles together.
I was introduced to his family late 2002 during his sister's wedding. Despite
being newly introduced, i was pleasantly suprised that they welcomed me
willingly and warmly. They treated me like a family member and from there, i
vowed to love and respect them as my own. It was at that point of time when we started talking about our future. Somehow, even during at that early stage, we felt that we were already facing the person we wish to spend the rest of our lives with. He wanted 2 to 3 kids, with a boy as the eldest so that he will be able to take care of his siblings. If we had a boy, he wanted to name him "Muhammad Nabil", taken from my name and if we had a girl, he wanted to name her "Nur Aliyah" or "Khadijah", taken from his dearest grandmother's name. He would say "Other than your high forehead, i want our children to look like you". I would bicker back with "I just hope that they will not take over your stubbornness". Honestly, I was contented just hearing him talk. As we planned for our future, i was confident that he would be a good father some day.
After graduation in 2004, we went into different academic routes. No more going to school or eating in school together or even the constant peekings into each other's classroom to catch a glimpse of each other. Our individual schedule demanded us to be apart and the time spent together became rare and precious. Obstacles continued to attempt to cause destruction to our precious relationship. However, we continued to hold on strong. Despite our different personalities and interests, we supported each other through it all. It was not easy, mind you, with the constant clashes of opinions, but as corny as it might sound, we really believed it was our love and trust for each other that allowed us to overcome any storms which came our way. We tried to find time amidst our busy schedule and with every second spent together, we gained strength from it. He became my rock who tried his best to be there whenever i need him or even when i feel that i did not. His spontaneous visits with snacks for me to munch on to keep me awake during the nights when i had to stay awake to study or simply to see me for a few minutes after he finished school or his part-time
job, even if it was only at my front gate...it made me love him more each and
every single day. He was willing to do and sacrifice anything to see the smile
on my face. The words, "As long as you are happy, i am happy. Nothing else matters" were his favourite, with "I love you" being the top of his list. He always made me see the bigger picture in any problem and his words of encouragement became my source of strength. Eventhough he sees me as an independent lady who was able to get through life easily, only God knows how much i depended on him.........
Ayang...you took a huge chunk of my heart with you when you left...Why did you go and leave us? Why did you have to leave us this way? Were you in pain? Why was i not there when you took your last breath? Do you know how much i love you? Do you know how much you mean to me? Thousand and one questions filled my head but i know that it will be left unanswered and I know that in asking all these questions, i am questioning God and his actions. It has been slightly more than a week since you left us but even as the reality starts to slowly seep in, it still feels like as if you are just at work and that you will walk through that door any time soon with your charming smile which i know that is meant only for me. But i know that i am
insanely hoping for the impossible. The pain doesn't seem to ease with time and everyday i find myself yearning for you. Behind the smile and the calm facade, only God knows how much my heart is aching inside...
Aleh...everyday, your family, friends and i are constantly praying for you. Are you able to hear it?...Even as i am typing this while i sit in your untouched room, i can feel your strong presence. Knowing that you are watching over me gives me both comfort and pain. Throughout these 9 years, you had been my best friend, partner and companion. I had depended on you in so many ways and now i only have the memories to keep for the rest of my life. I am and will be eternally grateful to you for the irreplacable love and happiness that you have brought into my life. Regrets of what i should have done and what i could have done will always haunt me and will serve as a lesson for me. Even as your mother helped me put on the gold necklace that is meant to be given during our wedding day planned to be a few years from now, I know that i will never ever doubt your love for me again. My dear...honestly, its really, really hard. Sometimes, i wonder to myself whether i will be able to get through this without your strong hands to guide me. Whether i will be able to move on...But i am not going to break the promise that i made to you as i kissed your forehead for the last time. As much as it hurts, i will try my best...no, no, the word 'try' is not in your dictionary. You believe that you either do it or you don't...As much as it hurts, i will do my best to be strong for myself and for mak. I will take care of mak and your family as if they are my own, eventhough different blood flows through our veins. So my love, please do not worry and rest in peace. My dearest Aleh...all
the times that we had spent, the memories that we had created and the love that
we had shared will forever be cherished in my heart, mind and soul. Your love
and my memories of you will be my source of strength as I overcome life's
obstacles without you beside me. As your face lingers in my mind, I know that
you will always be here with me in spirit. Semoga roh-mu dirahmati Allah...insyallah.
Muhammad Salleh Bin Abdul Aziz...you will always have a special place in my heart. Nabilla Binte Abdul Aziz loves you and will always love you...
Rest in peace my love.
Love from your Buttercup
Sad and sweet , kan ? I know . After reading this I was like awww . This is an almost-perfect love story . But sadly it were cut short . If i were to have a relationship like this , introduce to bf family members , going out with bf family members and all , I am soo gonna appriciate and love bf and his family member like my own . Haha !
Im alone at home now . Going out later to do project with friends . I was so so so excited bout our LLA assignment plan , but plan change and i just knew bout it yesterday . Cool or what ? :)
